My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
