I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
