the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...