i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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