HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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