just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
did i just pee glitter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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