So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
