Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
