did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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