Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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