I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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