so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
