like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize