Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
