she smelled like a LAN party
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
