I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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