ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
