yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
