I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
