I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
