so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
