i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
