I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
