drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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