I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize