The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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