Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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