Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
