you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
