Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
