even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
