Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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