My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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