Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
