Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
