he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize