we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
