Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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