plz talk dirty to me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
