It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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