My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
