you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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