Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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