im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
