It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
