I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
