does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
