You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
