Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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