Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize