she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
