I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
