I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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