cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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