I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize