You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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