His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
