Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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