I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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