I wanna bring you to show and tell
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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