he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
