you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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